I have been reading the Saturnalia of Macrobius, that curious store of Latin learning from the very end of the empire. Book 2 contains a collection of witticisms. Here are a few.
[ 1] But I am surprised, continued Symmachus, that none of you have said anything of Cicero’s jests, for here, as in everything else, he had the readiest of tongues. If it is your pleasure, then, I shall play the part of the mouthpiece of an oracle and repeat as many of his sayings as I can remember. All were eager to hear him and he began as follows.
[2] When he was dining at the house of Damasippus, his host produced a very ordinary wine, saying, “Try this Falernian; it is forty years old. ” “Young for its age,” replied Cicero.
[3] Seeing his son-in-law Lentulus (who was a very short man) wearing a long sword, he said: “Who has buckled my son-in-law to that sword?”…
[ 11] There was another occasion on which Cicero openly jeered at the readiness with which Caesar admitted new members to the Senate; for, asked by his host Publius Mallius to procure the office of decurion for his stepson, he said in the presence of a large company: “Senatorial rank? Well, at Rome he shall certainly have it, if you so wish; but at Pompeii it isn’t easy.”
[ 12] And indeed his biting wit went even further; for, greeted by a certain Andron from Laodicea, he asked what had brought him to Rome and, hearing that the man had come as an envoy to Caesar to beg freedom for his city, he made open reference to the servile state of Rome by saying, in Greek, “If you are successful, put in a word for us too.”